Am I Depressed or Just Unhappy? Key Signs, Symptoms, and Effective Solutions
Unhappiness and Happiness: Understanding the Difference and How to Overcome It
An ever-present dilemma for which people go to great lengths. They want to be happy, believe they will be, strive for it, exhaust themselves, and end up unhappy. What is this happiness? What is this thing that people cling to so desperately, endure countless hardships for, and even cause suffering in its pursuit?
Everyone is short in a room where everyone is short. Likewise, no one is tall in a room where everyone is tall. If one contrast does not exist, neither does the other. Contrasts have been a fundamental theme in ancient religions, moral philosophy schools, and classical philosophers, from Hinduism to Zoroastrianism, and even René Descartes. Hot and cold; beautiful and ugly; pain and pleasure; and, of course, happiness and unhappiness…
The only thing that makes people unhappy is *illusion. This illusion ishope ancomparison.
“There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy.”
– Arthur Schopenhauer
The First Factor: Hope
People believe they can be happy one day. Moreover, they believe in the existence of happiness. They scoff at deep-rooted religions and moral philosophies, yet they believe in happiness. But how is the idea of happiness any different from a fairy tale, a myth, or a superstition?
Who have we seen happy? Who have we heard? Everywhere we look, we see no truly happy people, nor even those who have encountered one, yet we believe in happiness as if believing in Santa Claus.
The Second Factor: Comparison
“Everyone is happy,” “People are having fun,” “Those guys are living so comfortably,” “That guy is chilling,” “Look at her! She’s overjoyed.”
All these sentences make us unhappy because we assume that others are happy. Since we don’t experience the same things, we feel miserable—like we’re missing out. But no, they are not happy! They are merely acting as if they are. We fall for their demeanor, their appearances, and we think, “Others are happy, so why am I not?” Yet, in reality, no one is happy. This may be difficult to accept, but there is no real evidence that people are truly happy.
If scientific methods rely on experiments and observations, then both our personal experiences and the observations of past generations have repeatedly shown us that happiness does not exist. We can sense the absence of happiness within ourselves, but we cannot perceive its absence in others. This is why seeing others appear happy makes us envious. However, just as we lack the experience of true happiness, so does everyone else—because such a thing does not exist in the first place.
“A happy life is impossible; the best a person can achieve is a heroic life.”
—Arthur Schopenhauer
Imagine this: We live in a monastery at the top of a mountain. Everyone around us is just like us, and everyone in the monastery has renounced the world. People only engage in the necessary tasks to sustain the monastery—fetching water, chopping wood, and so on. The rest of their time is spent on prayer and religious studies. There is no entertainment whatsoever. Everyone lives chastely and piously.
Now, imagine that there is no other way of life in the world—this is the only reality that exists. In such a scenario, the tempting statements at the beginning of this text wouldn’t even cross our minds. Since nothing would provoke us, we wouldn’t feel miserable. We wouldn’t fall into the illusion that others are happy. And more importantly, we wouldn’t feel unhappy ourselves.
If we realize that happiness does not exist, then we will also understand that unhappiness is an illusion. As a result, we would free ourselves from this artificial notion of misery. We would stop seeing ourselves as wretched, powerless, defeated, or inferior.
Various formulas are often proposed as the “secret to happiness”: “10 Ways to Achieve Happiness,” “Rules Happy People Follow,” and so on. They often start with phrases like, “According to experts…” So, apparently, there are even “experts” in happiness(!).
Many people have followed these so-called happiness experts’ rules—some partially, some entirely. Such people have existed in the past and still exist today. We see them in the media and in daily life. But what we don’t see is happiness. We don’t see happiness in their faces, in their lives, or in their hearts. Yet, if you ask them, they will claim they are happy.
Why? Because they have endured all the hardships that these experts suggested, they have dedicated their lives to these rules, sacrificed so much. At this point, if they were to say, “No, I am still unhappy,” they would fear being labeled a fool by society. Besides, they enjoy attracting public admiration and securing a high social standing.
Thus, even though there is no trace of happiness in them, they proclaim, “I achieved it,” or “I am happy,” and put on artificial behaviors to gain approval. This, in turn, reinforces the belief that “the experts were right.”
But if happiness does not exist, then neither does unhappiness! Seeing ourselves as miserable and thinking we are failures makes no logical sense.
How Does Believing in Happiness Affect Our Lives?
People live according to what they believe in. Those who believe in happiness strive to attain it. However, because happiness does not exist, they inevitably face disappointment. As frustration builds, they become more aggressive, more cunning, more ruthless, and increasingly unscrupulous in their pursuit of happiness.
Over time, they reach a point where they are willing to do anything, no matter how reckless. Such people not only exhaust themselves but also harm those around them. The most alarming part? These individuals make up almost all of the people we encounter in daily life. (Exceptions do not change the rule.)
Isn’t this exactly the state of the world?
Isn’t Rejecting Happiness Just Giving Up?
Of course, it is—just like not believing in Santa Claus means giving up the hope that he will bring us gifts on Christmas Eve. In other words, it means not living with false hopes and expectations.
What Do We Gain by Rejecting the Superstition of Happiness?
Those who abandon the pursuit of happiness find peace. Those who chase happiness, however, are deprived of tranquility. Dissatisfaction and disappointment haunt them. But those who embrace serenity are not easily shaken by life. Even if they are, they do not crumble.
On the other hand, those who believe in happiness also believe in unhappiness. Since they cannot experience happiness, they automatically perceive themselves as unhappy.
What Happens to Those Who Relentlessly Chase Happiness?
Nothing but immense disappointment and frustration.
They spend their entire lives chasing objects and experiences they believe will bring them happiness. Each time they fail, and in the end, they give up on happiness—but by then, they have aged, worn themselves out, and wasted almost their entire lives.
They barely have any time or energy left to experience peace.
Most people, however, even at the end of their ruined lives, still kneel before the illusion of happiness like beggars, pleading for it. These are the truly wretched ones—not those who reject happiness altogether!
Moreover, these relentless pursuers of happiness do not just destroy themselves—they make life unbearable for those around them. If they hold powerful positions, they even ruin the lives of entire societies.
Thus, while fighting tirelessly is often seen as honorable, it all depends on what one is fighting for. Terrorists also fight tirelessly. Dictators wage relentless wars for oil. But their struggles do not earn them honor.
Humans only fight in vain when their battles go against their own nature. And what is our nature? It is the nature of the universe itself.
Nature exists both outside and inside of us. Since the universe is ever-present, so is nature. That is why there is no conflict between our inner nature and external nature. In fact, nature cannot even be divided into “internal” and “external”—because it is one and the same!
Any struggle that goes against nature results only in violence and destruction. And isn’t that exactly the state of the world today?
“Man always looks outward, believing happiness lies outside of himself. In the end, he turns inward and discovers that the source was within him all along.”
—Søren Kierkegaard
If you want to understand a person’s worldview, ask them how they define happiness…
